Gorillas and icee pops..

I've got a lot of favorite things. My boyfriend, my stuffed puppy, my nephew, my new fiction book..I heart gorillas and icee pops too! I'm bad at blogging and just want to get something posted.

Bad thing number Six

Being so frakkin slow to get things done and to commit to the change that I need. GRR! Argh!

Bad Dickie!

I think I can, I think I can..

I may be at wits end with the slow progression of my life. I want to take that dive and not let fear rule my life. Therapy was interesting today..left me thinking of the Little Engine that could..

 

My lips are sealed

I sat in a meeting tonight not wanting to share, but knowing that it was probably a really good idea to. I didn't though.  I have been feeling disconnected from a lot of things and people lately. Not much is happening in my life and I feel like there's nothing positive to talk about. I open my mouth and lots of negative pours out. Anyway, I wanted to share about my inability to connect with people in the program and my not having a sponsor and my issues with unemployment. Instead I kept my lips sealed. This is my problem, yet I didn't have the courage to tackle it tonight. I also am tired of complaining. That could just be my excuse. Ugh. And then there's therapy tomorrow..

Some days suck!

but a friend can make it better..My friend from NY is in town for a few days and seeing him has lifted me a bit, as well as my therapy appointment the other day.  Also, my boyfriend took me to see a great Irish band at the Chicago Symphony Center that made me want to dance like this afterwards. It was really nice to get out of the house like that.  The job I mentioned did not work out. Totally blows! But I have produced two fairly awesome paintings this week. I'm proud of them. I'm working on a third that will be a challenge, because of the oops I just made.  I like challenges other than the job hunting kind.

Another Week

I believe my nephew's visit went well, with one slightly traumatic experience that I think I'll skip discussing. I'll just say it looked like a crazy person used the bathroom one morning. Poor kid. I do love the hell out of him. My 12 year old nephew is a major reason I changed my life and cleaned up a little over four years ago. He's special to me. I do feel bad about his current living situation and having to be raised by both my mother and sister. I hope he doesn't hate me for leaving for Chicago.

I woke up to a call this morning about a potential 3-6 month job doing payroll for little money. We'll see what happens.  At this point I'm kinda dying to get back to work. I need more in this life of mine..

5 days with a pre teen.

In about 10 hours (provided snow does not cause a delay) I'll be spending the week with my 12 year old nephew.  Super psyched! It gives me a playmate and I can explore the city and be a tourist!

New Career idea..

Hand me a leash. I just applied to be a dog walker. OMG!

Job Search

I think I've applied to 5 or 6 positions today. Each one I'm well qualified for. I'd love a call back from at least one. What are the chances of that?

It's seriously frustrating. I'll need to make the move this week to calling them..

Speaking of phones.  I spoke with the person I was worried about yesterday.  She was trying to medicate herself by using suboxone that she scored on the street. What an idiot!

Born this way!

I kinda fucking love this new Gaga song!  It's definitely on repeat for me.

I had a horrible night of no sleep.  There are so many things I need to do to change the way I'm currently living.  I would love to say I would like to cut sugar and caffeine and nicotine out of my life. And I need to stick to a regular schedule. My friend said today my job needs to be finding a job. I should have told him I want to milk the unemployment. I should go on a vacation. Who do I know?

But truthfully my life was so much better with a job in it..

Angry Bunny

The angry bunny is me. I am kinda furious with myself these days. I am so isolating it's ridiculous.  I don't know how to reach out to my friends.  Even the ones I've known for years. Is therapy working or am I wasting my money?

Bad thing #5
Feeling sorry for myself and forgetting about courage.

Bad Dickie!

Addiction

Someone really close to me struggles with addiction. Heroin to be exact. Rumor has it that this person is using again. This is such a repeat that I don't know yet again how to feel. I shrug it off and say.."I guess one of these days I'll be going to a funeral in NY". I feel like that's not right. I called and left a message on the phone today, but doubt that will do any good. I feel like crap about it. Using drugs and escaping sounds like so much fun and it can be, but when addiction takes over it's no longer fun nor glamorous. Sad.

UPDATE- I heard this person went to receive daily methadone this morning. The reason for not receiving the treatment for over a week is unclear.

My Insanity

I'm weird.  I have a handful of issues.  Recovered and working on my thinking. Lazy and a huge procrastinator. I start things and don't always finish them. I make friends then leave them behind.  I have  ADD.. I'm insecure and cocky. I smoke cigarettes and then chew nicotine gum.  I also leave said gum lying around the house sometimes.

Bad thing #4
Being careless.

Bad Dickie!

What did I do today?

It's dinner time and I didn't accomplish a whole lot. Woke up around 11am, went to a meeting, came home and had lunch, watched at least 3 episodes of Sarah Connor Chronicles and chatted a bunch on Scruff with some loser.  Finally just took a shower and put the laundry in the washer. Grr! At least I applied for one job, but it's a Craigslist job with no contact info. I need to venture out of the house more and start studying for this test I'm planning on taking. Ugh.

Bad thing #3
Not doing enough and watching the days disappear.

Bad Dickie!

My boyfriend's not a high strung jerk!

He's an adorable and loving man. I should respect his teflon. I'm extremely lucky to have him in my life and the same goes for him.  He's lucky to have me.  I sometimes or more often than not, don't give myself the credit I deserve.  My biggest fault is worrying what others think of me. I want the world to like me. Sometimes it's just not possible. I need to realize that.  It also turns out that more people think highly of me than I know.

Bad thing #2
Worrying too much what other people think.

Bad Dickie!

The Teflon Incident

It's been about 6 months since I killed a blog that was important to me. Not sure why I did it. Partly because it was extremely personal and I feared it could damage my reputation working in Human Resources for a big company. Maybe I was also tired of it..but today I came across a bunch of pics that were the headlines for all my posts and it made me miss my blog. I've started a few others in the past 6 months under weird names, but none caught on for me. So here I am starting again. I liked blogger.

I feel like I've got tons of stuff I can write about or journal here. I lost my job 9 weeks ago and I've got lots of time on my hands. I'm also constantly doing bad things and getting into trouble.. so here's the place I'm going to record those things. There's a lesson to be learned possibly.

Bad thing #1
Tonight I used a metal knife on Teflon and scratched it all up to my boyfriend's horror.This is not the first time I've done this.

Bad Dickie!